You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
