i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
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by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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