You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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