we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
