She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
