Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
