"it" just moved
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
