If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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