I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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