Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
