it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
