I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
