no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.