No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.