Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
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the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.