I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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