I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
