They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
