Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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