I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
