i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We are two peas in an std pod
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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