I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
