I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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