Whatcha textin bout Willis?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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