Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
