She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
