i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
