Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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