Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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