drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
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found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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