Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
