i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
