he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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