I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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