the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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