4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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