We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I see more hoeing in ur future
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