Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire