nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD