he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
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it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.