i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.