she woke up with a sticky ear
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.