THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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