drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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