Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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