She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
