she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
