mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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