I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
