11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
