I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So squirting runs in the family.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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