I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
