Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
