My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
