Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
