A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
