i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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