i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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