oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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