NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
