i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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