I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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