Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
