I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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