i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
