Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
