Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
