covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
