Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
