Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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