i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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