He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
its not stalking. its research.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
