I could have mohawked her pubes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
