I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
