You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
