Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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