dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
