Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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