I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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