I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
