funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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