3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What a fucking waste of an outfit
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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