I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
