Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
